The Network Diva

You Are What You Believe - Part 2

In my last post, I brought up the idea that there is a process by which we can reprogram, per se, the conversations we have in our minds.  You know the ones...the ones that always seem to crop up just when we're getting ready to have a great break though.  It's almost as if our mind is playing games with us and teasing us into an unwilling submission of inevitable failure.  Well, no more of that stuff.  Here are a few thoughts that may turn that truck around.

Bottom line, our habits are shaped by the beliefs we have about ourselves and the world.  Think about it.  How many of us grew up believing that if we swallowed a piece of gum that it would literally sit in our gut for seven years?  Do you have the same mom as me? Is her name Teresa?  That's exactly what I thought and for years.  Even into my young adulthood, I would have a tinge of panic whenever I would accidentally swallow my gum.  Now I know better...but, how did I change such a ridiculous belief?  I simply told myself that it wasn't true.  And when a moment of doubt would creep into my mind, I would remind myself that it wasn't true, to where now, I don't even give it a second thought.

We all have belief patterns that shape our perceptions of success and failure.  Some of these serve us well, and others, quite frankly, just don't.  But to truly understand what these beliefs are, we simply need to pay attention.  Next time you're feeling super excited and on top of the world, try to focus in on what you're thinking about.  What are you believing about yourself or the situation at that moment?  Take note of it.  You're going to need more of that because it's those thoughts and feelings that you're going to want to tap into when you're having moments of complete and utter defeat.  And I know you can totally relate to what that feeling is like.  You don't want to face the world.  You feel like Austin Power's who's just lost his mojo...nothing seems to go right.

So, to tap into those great feelings, you simply need to tell the voice in your head, "Thank you for sharing, but that's not true," and then make it very clear that the committee in your mind understands what is true.  By repetitively catching yourself in the moment and repeating what you would like to be true, you can quickly and easily create new pathways, new experiences and new beliefs in no time flat.  All it takes is a simple pattern interrupt, like the one I just mentioned or by wearing a rubber-band around your wrist and snapping yourself whenever you're having a limiting belief crop up and begin to take over.  Trust me...it works.

You Are What You Believe

I truly believe that there are people in this world who just simply cannot exist unless there is sufficient drama in their lives.  They just can't have a bad day, it must be the MOTHER of all bad days.  They can't be just "sick" they have to have some catastrophic disease associated with the physical discomfort they are feeling.  Or, here's my favorite, every time they turn around their world is literally falling apart around them.  It's like they are a HUGE magnet that is attracting all the CRAP in life directly towards them.

How is it some people can get through life reasonably unscathed and then others just seem to have the worst luck on the planet?  I think I have that one figured out.

I've come to believe, through my own experience, that we manifest in our lives what we believe to be true, in other words, what we think about we bring about.  We've all heard that saying...but never have I come to appreciate those words more than I do right now.

I've recently made acquaintance with someone whom I've been working with for a short period of time.  Believe me when I tell you, she's had horrific experiences in life.  And although she has a strong desire to make the necessary changes to not only feel better about herself but also start realizing some real success in her life, every time she's about to open the door to opportunity, something dramatic happens that causes her to shut that door and go into an emotional tail spin.

Sadly, she has learned that in order to feel safe in the world she has created in her mind, she must be in a constant state of drama.  Life cannot be good...there is no silver lining.  She has come to believe that she does not deserve the blessings and therefore, although she desires peace in her life and the experience of joy and success, every effort she makes ultimately ends up in one series of one self-sabotage after another.

We all have deep seeded beliefs.  Some serve us and others tear us down.  Many of these beliefs are unknown to us because they simply manifest themselves out of habit.  They are simply a part of our bio-chemical processes.  For example, we all have a financial thermostat.  Simply put, we put value on what our time and skill-sets are worth based on the experience of what we've received by way of compensation.  So, if we've customarily earned $50,000 a year, then our thermostat will be set at $50,000 a year.  We will unknowingly search out those opportunities that will make sure we stay within that comfort zone.  All other opportunities, although there for the taking, we will simply ignore because they do not fit into our belief of what we're worth.  We may desire to earn more money; however, because the deep seeded belief tells us that we're not worth that much or we don't deserve it, we simply will not reach that new height we desire.  And now we're in a state of frustration.

Here's the good news.  We are capable of changing our self-limiting beliefs to new ones that serve us.  New ones that will genuinely help us reach the goals we've set before us.  We can literally create a whole new life for ourselves by consistently reprogramming our old beliefs into the ones we'd rather have.  There is a process that we can employ to help this change along.  In my next blog, we'll explore what that looks like.  Until then, do what you can to explore your self-limiting beliefs...the ones that aren't serving you and that you'd like to change.

Oh, Those Six Inches Can Be A Long Journey

Your business is never really good or bad "out there."  Your business is either good or bad right between your won two ears. ~ Zig Zigler

Over the years, I have experienced lots of good and bad...who hasn't right?  We all face opportunities and difficulties.  There are seasons of our lives that just seem to be working...there's a flow...like nothing can go wrong.  And then there are times when if feels as though we're in a downward spiral that just won't stop.

How is it, though, that some always manage to come out on top, no matter what the circumstances are?  Here's what I've discovered.  When I've been in a funk for longer than 24 hours, it has EVERYTHING to do with my perception...how I'm interpreting what's happened.  I get into this funky victim mode and just feel like I'm drowning.  My most recent pity party was back in September 2009 after my return trip of taking care of my mom who had just had back surgery.  I love my mom, but she is a painful person to be around.  Everything is negative.  She has settled for less than mediocre in her life, like she doesn't deserve to have any better.  Everything about her, her posture, how she takes care of herself, how she moves, the words she utters, just NEGATIVE.  Live in that for three weeks and anyone will walk away feelin' a little low.  Top that with I had a HUGE event planned for later the same month where my mentor and her business partner were flying in and I was certain there would be less than 20 guests there...most of whom had been there before.  I was embarrassed, mortified and downright felt undeserving of their time.  I can honestly say, my six inches got the best of me for a while...and the crazy part, it took me a while to figure it out.

So, what do you do when the six inches between your ears has the best of you?  First, tell yourself the truth.  YOU'RE IN A FUNK!!  Accept it, embrace it, acknowledge it.  Second, take IMMEDIATE action in the opposite direction.  I like to listen to a powerful motivating song over and over again.  Third, start flipping your thoughts.  If a negative thought comes into your head, simply ask yourself, "Is that really true?"  If it's not, then flip it.  You'd be surprised to learn that 90% of the negative thoughts you have about yourself or someone else are truly not true at all.

Managing those six inches is a daily affair.  To let a day go by without it in check can compound itself so quickly that even you will not realize the power until all is said and done.  Rule it with an iron fist and you'll find you'll spend more days in bliss rather than in despair. 

You Can Have It All...

"You can  have everything in life you want,

if you will just help enough other people get what they want."  ~ Zig Zigler

I hadn't really realized that I had been living this philosophy my entire life. For as long as I can remember, helping others has been my focal point.  I can even remember my father telling me when I was about 16 or so that I'm happiest when others are happy and fulfilled because of my contribution...and he's right.  I am happiest when I can help others become more, do more and have more. 

It's never occurred to me that I may lose out or be taken advantage of.  As a matter of fact, if I lived that way, I think I would be a paranoid ninny.  It never crosses my mind to think of how I will benefit by helping someone else.  I've just always felt that somehow it would come back to me...and it always does.

Networking is a lot like that.  It's figuring out a way to help those you meet achieve their goals by connecting them with their next big client or partner.  Rather than spending the time trying to figure out whether or not the person you've just met can benefit you and your business, why not determine if you have a connection that could benefit theirs.  You'd be amazed at how these little deposits can be drawn upon at some point in the future.  Helping people...that's what it's all really about...puts meaning into our lives that many of us are missing.  So, the next time you're given the opportunity to meet someone new, make it your focus to be the gift.  In time, you'll experience what it is to have it all. 

Dreaming your Dreams...

As I was chatting with my darling husband last night about some of the recent challenges I've been faced with...it occurred to me that I was being the quintessential cry baby.  I had an excuse for every inquiry he made about my challenges.  And when it hit me like a flippin' two-by-four to the head, man was I pissed!!  He smiled...you know the one...the one where he was proud of his accomplishment.

Seeing as I've not had a restful night's sleep in days, I took it as an opportunity to explore my mind and get to the bottom of my quite despair.  Obviously something has been eating at me for quite some time or else the sleep would have come easy.  What did I discover?

I lost sight of my vision...it had become blurred somehow.  In the midst of all the chaos, which I managed to create some of it, I had lost sight on what my purpose was to begin with.  Rather than putting my foot down and diggin' my feet in, I had lost my balance and allowed myself to be taken out to sea and have just been treading water.

Funny how the mind will resolve what needs to be resolved once the block is removed.  I now know what I must do to cast a better vision for myself and for those who follow me.  I know the path I must walk and the journey that must be taken if my vision...my dreams...are to be realized.  Thank goodness for darling husbands who know how to be a total pain the butt sometimes...God bless them all!!

Get Committed!!

I was on a conference call last night with the owner of our company, and another leader and I were asked to share a few tips when building a business like ours.

I shared the concept of the Law of Averages, i.e. it's a numbers game, and the other leader shared the concept of being committed.  I just LOVE what she shared because at this time of the year, especially, so many of us decide that we're going to finally lose weight, or we're going to get organized, or we're going to find the perfect mate, or be a better friend, etc.  The New Year does bring with it a clean slate...the opportunity to start over.  But here's the kicker...we can decide to do these things; however, until we're committed to do whatever it takes, it will be like any other undertaking we've "tried' to do in the past.  We'll get started and then life hits us between the eyes and we slowly go back to our old habits, the ones we were so desperately wanting to change.

Why is that?  Like my friend, I do believe that the key lies in our commitment.  Sometimes it sounds really nice to throw out goals and other great accomplishments because we seem to have this innate belief that we MUST accomplish something worth while in the next 12 months.  But if it's not in alignment with our CORE values and desires, it doesn't matter how much we "say" we want to accomplish something because we will manage to sabotage our effort as it's not aligned with our CORE values and desires.  That's the difference between making a decision and making a commitment.

A commitment is something that burns inside of you...you don't need fancy goals when you're committed because everything you do will lead you to what you want.  Your mind will channel all its energy towards what you truly want.  Some of you reading this are going, "Yeah right.  I REALLY do want to lose these pesky pounds...or, I REALLY do want to become immensely successful."  And you're right, you do want these things.  But until you get really clear on why you want to accomplish those things, understand what it takes to get there and then commit yourself, you simply won't achieve it.   I mean, we all know that in order to lose weight we need to eat less and exercise more...but yet, many of us are still struggling.  Why???  Because our reasons for wanting to do it are not strong enough to move us into action.

Ask yourself this...What would you like to be experiencing that you are not experiencing right now?  And if you were experiencing whatever your answer is, how would that change your life?  Keep asking yourself these questions until you reach the "REAL" answers.  If you want to find out what will motivate you, answer these two questions, and you'll have all the motivation you need.

Bring It!!!

There's comes a point when you're just tired of being tired...you know what I mean, right?  Tired of hanging out in someone else's shadow.  Tired of not having your life the way you want it.  Tired of just "getting by" in life.  Seriously, you just want to GET ON WITH IT!!

It's already January 3.  There are 362 days left in 2010...28 days left in January alone...that's only 672 hours!!!  I don't know about you, but that sure does put things into perspective...makes me feel like I need to get the lead out and get movin'!!

I say, BRING IT ON!!!  I can't remember where I heard it or read it but all I know is that if you really want things to change, then you need to take MASSIVE action towards what you want!!  The early bird catches the worm, right??  Why wait until December 1, 2010 to kick it in gear???  Let's just go ahead and DO THIS THING!!  Whatever it is for you...JUST DO IT!!  The alternative would be to do nothing and let another 8,760 hours go by and be in the same spot on January 3, 2011...now there's a thought...

Leaving The Herd...

There comes a time in every leader's career when they just need to break away from the herd and carve their own path.  Every great leader I've ever known has eventually come out from underneath their leader so they could grow.  If they hadn't, they would never of achieved many of the great things they were meant to do, be and have.  To add to that, it's natural for a leader to instinctively want to break away.

How do you know if you're ready for this transition?  It's really quite simple.  There's a quite discontent that starts to brew inside of you...a yearning for more.  And your confidence as a leader will bubble over into those areas of your life you naturally excel at. In addition, the team you are leading begins to rely more and more on your leadership.  If you fail to notice these subtle signs, you very well could lose the very team you've worked so hard to build.

From my perspective, the greatest gift any leader can receive is the pleasure of grooming up and coming leaders in their own organization and helping them grow into their own leadership style.  It's very much like watching your own children grow into responsible and well-adjusted adults.  As a parent, there's nothing more gratifying that the sense that you've done a good job with your kids.  The same is true when nurturing a leader.  They will fall from time to time, but you're always there to lend a helping hand and sound advice. 

For the LOVE of Food...

Call me crazy...but I'm actually one of those people who just becomes as giddy as a school girl when I receive a gift that will work in my kitchen.  My family thought it would be fantastic to give me an All-Clad 12" non-stick saute pan for Christmas...and what was the first thing I did???  I used it of course, to make omelets for all to enjoy!!

Cooking for me has always been my way to shower love on my friends and family.  I've been blessed with the gift to be able to cook...and cook well.  Most of my friends prefer to dine in my kitchen over a fine restaurant any day...and I just LOVE having them over and wowing them once again...

Tonight, I'm plotting a dinner of sauteed pork chops with a white wine and lemon cream sauce along with risotto rice braised in chicken broth and herbs and then buttery carrots on the side...yum!!!  Don't know what desert is going to be just yet...but I know I'll be inspired at some point...

Until next time...enjoy the day and cook for someone you love tonight...